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and a Bloomberg
Transformed??? What does that mean?
Incorrect Parallelism. You cant start a sentence past tense and change it to present progressive. This should be "ensured"
"provided"
Developed a portfolio analysis
Much Improved
innacurate
zxc
Comments
jfeng, great improvement over the original. There are still a couple of subject-verb and verb tense issues that need to be ironed out. Is there any additional information you can provide about education or activities? GPA? Any Leadership Activities?
Best of Luck
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